I shed a tear every time I read a post on social media, or hear that someone has lost a child. The loss of a child in unimaginable and the pain is crushing. Grieving the loss of your child is lonely, it is isolating and terrifying. You feel scared of anything and everything. I am writing you this letter today hoping to reach out to a mum who is feeling alone and terrified, from one grieving mum to another with love.
Cry, shed those painful tears,
Scream! Shout! do not hide your pain,
The pain is real and its okay to be sad,
You have lost someone precious,
You have lost someone irreplaceable,
Its okay to feel lost, powerless and helpless,
Its okay to be angry, it’s okay to ask questions;
It is easy to panic, to question God, why would He take my child?
This is a difficult time, it is a time filled with loneliness and confusion. You may not be able to leave your bed, or shower or even talk to your friends; The truth is the sadness and the pain will not end; it will shift and it will change. It will take a while, it will take a while for the sun to shine; and when it finally does you will experience a new kind of strength, you will see the world in a new way; you will feel deeper, you will love harder and you will be beautified by your pain. But then sometimes you will find yourself back in the darkness; a sudden flashback, looking at a new born baby, a child playing on the street or a Facebook picture of beautiful triplets.
Sometimes the painful tears will surprise you.
Then we are back to square one.
But can I tell you something my fellow grieving mum? You will be fine! Your life is different, you will never be the same; because a part of you is missing, but you will be okay. You will have moments where you will break down but despite all these feelings you will be fine. You will be fine because slowly, slowly but surely you will find your healing. Finding your healing does not mean the end of the sadness, it means you will have memories without the current anguish that you feel today,
But Healing takes time,
You will heal in your own way, and on your own time; Healing does not fix the loss, neither does it mean replacing a child with another. Healing from the loss of your child means accepting your pain and taking time to grieve your child; Healing does not mean denial, it means embracing your agony, your sadness and allowing God to take control.
Dear Mum, please go ahead and cry, but remember God is holding your tears, we serve a mighty God. He can move mountains buts sometimes he doesn’t. It is hard to have faith in these doubtful moments and many unanswered prayers; This time of loss presents a time to seek God, a time to have faith that he will carry you through. I am a living testimony, Gods gives overwhelming grace and comfort that surpasses all human understanding. Cling to God during this storm, He is powerful and He is love.
Dear Mum, Remember no child dies without a legacy, it is up to us to keep the legacies of our babies alive; My son and daughter taught me so much, they taught me about endurance, about having a fighting spirit, about grace but most importantly they taught me how to love; they introduced me to a world of genuine love and care , the kind of love that is pure and unconditional . I saw beauty in their eyes, even though we never spent a lot of time with them, their beautiful faces will never be forgotten to me.
Let us find our healing together, let us honor our children, we can never move on from love, nothing including death can take away our love for our children that is why their memories will always be engraved in our hearts.
Let us tell stories of their little kicks that began as flatters in our bellies, their little hands and little feet that we did not get enough of, their beautiful smiles that melted our hearts, let us tell it all.
Great things can happen when we tell stories,
Do you have a story of your angel, Gone too soon ?
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