My baby girl was too Beautiful for Earth

My Dear Readers ,

I am back, sorry for being away for a while; I have been dealing with several issues. See grieving is very personal; there is no formula for how one should grieve. For me coming to terms with reality has been very difficult. Some days I wake up full of energy, full of gratitude for seeing another and full of joy in my heart. On these days I will go out , play with my son , I will meet with my clients ( I am currently running my fashion house) and I will make time to go for a cup of coffee with a friend  or two . Other days I will wake up with a heavy heart, I am sad and overwhelmed with sorrow, on these days I will hardly leave my bed or eat anything. On these days I will hardly have the energy to even have a phone conversation. On these days I will terribly miss my babies , I will remember the doctor trying to resuscitate my beautiful baby girl , I will remember the days I spent on the bed side of my handsome baby boy . I will ask myself if I should have done more for my children , I will wonder if I am doing enough for my baby Njiru ; I will feel guilty for not being able to carry my babies to term . These gloomy days have been more than my happy days of late and that is why I have been away. In the beginning I told you that this blog meant for me heal as well as to encourage somebody else going through a similar situation, I may not write a post every week but I promise to write whenever I have the strength to do so.

I could not sit down to edit this post because it bears very painful memories. There are memories about my time in hospital and the whole experience that I have purposely chosen not to revisit because they are too agonizing. Every time I remember the 21st of January my heart breaks into a thousand pieces. Saying goodbye to my baby girl who I had only met for a few hours crushes me .I remember her beautiful lifeless body on my hands .Even then I knew she would have been a very beautiful baby lady.

Last week I celebrated my birthday , on this day my son decided to be very clingy and at the same time bubbly and I thought to myself it’s not all bad . I have a wonderful miracle who reminds me every day that GOD IS STILL ON THE THRONE.

Having met my children on Thursday night … I was totally distraught. We prayed at the bedside of each baby with my husband before I went off to bed. At this point I just looked forward to taking them home, that is the only thought I could have. They were hooked to so many machines it was hard to see them. I went back to my bed and I was given a sedative to help me sleep. My sister and mum were still at the hospital even at this time My mum was tired but seeing me in tears from the NICU broke her. I could tell she wanted to look strong for me. The following weeks my mother would come the hospital everyday looking tired, confused and helpless. I now feel her pain because it truly hurts to see your child suffering and there is nothing you can do or say to make it better.

 

On 21st January was a Saturday the doctor came to inform me that triplet 2(Njiru) and triplet 3 (Njeri) needed blood transfusion. This was a bit scary though he told me it usually happens for preemies. I went into the NICU to greet my babies and to give a blood sample for the cross matching. I was still in a lot of pain so I did not stay for long. I went into the breastfeeding room to try n express some milk for the babies. The room was full of ladies who were also going through the same; their children were in the NICU. It was encouraging to hear that their babies were improving. Later the breastfeeding room would become my safe haven .A room where we would find so much comfort, where we would cry together and laugh together. A room where I found friends who have become sisters to me .

Like I mentioned earlier Memories of the first days in hospital are a bit lost to me. I was in a state of confusion and disarray. I did not understand what was happening …I would stare blankly for hours without movement sometimes I would walk the hospital halls up and down without being aware I was doing this. At around 4pm my friends came over to visit together with my sister. Then a NICU nurse came in at around 5 to tell me that triplet 3 (Njeri) was not doing well. At this point I asked my sister to ask my friends to give me a minute as I talked to the nurse. My husband was on his way to hospital by then…. I was scared and I began to say a little prayer only for the nurse to come back shortly and ask me to go to NICU. The doctor had asked to see me. At this point I panicked. Now the NICU is not a good place but another scary thing about NICU is having a nurse come to pick you up from your  bed or the breastfeeding room. Usually it meant something is happening, and that something is most likely not good.

So the nurse helped  me to the NICU where I found the neonatologist and a paediatrician attending to my baby. She was so tiny and the machines around her were too many. I can’t explain exactly what was going on but it was a horrific sight. The doctors were trying to stabilise her. At this point they explained that she had bled from the lungs _the doctor gave some other details but up to this day I do not remember what he said. All I know is at 6pm her heart stopped beating. My baby girl had gotten her angel wings. I watched her inhale her last breathe. I never got the opportunity to hold her when she was alive  … or to tell her how much I loved her. I never got the opportunity to tell my baby girl that she was the most beautiful girl in the world. I never got to see my baby gal smile. By now my husband had arrived. We were now holding each other crying. How do you say goodbye to your own child? How do you say goodbye to a baby that you only met a few hours ago. A dark cloud covered the earth to mourn my baby girl. My baby girl was gone. My Baby Girl had gone to meet the Lord. My baby girl was too beautiful for earth.

93 Comments on “My baby girl was too Beautiful for Earth

    1. I am not a mother yet but everytime i read your story i feel strong …girl you are a strong woman God took our beautiful girl so she can one day welcome you at the gates of Heaven! Be strong for your little boy the most handsome boy on earth!
      My prayers are always with you
      God’ s more blessings are yet to come
      He has a better reason as to why little girl had to go be with HIM
      Be still! He is God of second chance! He will bless you DOUBLE DOUBLE
      RIP little Angel😢

    2. Before the eyes of our God, everything is beautiful and happens for the better. Courage hun.

    3. Very sad Mukami, we pray that our dear lord will continue strengthening you, May the peace of Lord stay with you, May you be strong as you mourn your beautiful angel.
      Receive a hug from me.

  1. Very heartbreaking it has made me tear up I pray God to give you strength and peace

  2. Am in tears,i jst cldnt read it all,but if today am asked for a strong woman it wld b you darling!

  3. Very touching story dear Siz.
    But God is in control and we still have a million plus reason to thank Him

  4. you are a very strong lady Kami. and yes everybody grieves differently, take a day at a time gal. praying for and with you

  5. You are strong and you will grow stronger each day for your baby Njiru by the Grace of God.We can not imagine what you went or going through, we just pray that your pain will grow lesser each day

  6. very touching narrative, God works miracles and all in all He has a reason for his doing, Nelius you’re blessed and you will be blessed more,blessed day ahead

  7. This is soo much heartbreaking …but God is in control ..may he strengthen you,your hubby,your family and all your entire friends.

  8. Oooh Nelius….I just don’t know what to say dear….wish I would talk to you face to face

  9. Ohh dear.. sad.. soo touching..may the Lord heal you Mukami.. may he restore your joy.. may His will be done in Njirus life..

  10. My sister,this has really touched me and I said a prayer asking God to strengthen you and your husband,may God remember you in a special way in Jesus Mighty Name.

  11. It’s so heartbreaking,I couldn’t hold my tears but darling our God is still on the throne,and he will give you the strength to carry on,you’re indeed a strong woman

  12. I haven’t become a mom just yet but i feel this pain.how do u say goodbye?I’ve asked myself that question endless times and i can’t find the answer.Be strong Nelius someday all these will be a bad memory. keep fighting dear.

  13. It soo painful n heart breaking….take heart God is stii at the throne! All shall be well.

  14. Our good Lord will wipe away your tears and bless you again. He understands your pain and He has surely heard your prayers. Take heart my friend.

  15. That pain is incomprehensible, only God can truly offer comfort, I pray for you and other moms facing this challenge.

  16. Hugs, hugs and more hugs! She feels the love and she’s an angel watching over Mummy. May God watch over you

  17. The Lord is truly working on you Rwamba. This articles inspire a lot of women that you don’t even know.
    Keep on keeping on.
    Those are angels watching over you.
    God bless your family.

  18. I have shed a tear. When my son grew wings, this is what I went through. God is faithful mukami, he can’t give you what can’t handle and time is the master healer. Hugs mommy

  19. Ooh, get encouraged that everything happens for good to those who trust God. The good may not be visible now, but hang in there. Our God never fails.

  20. Remain strong always Dear ,God has his own reason i pray for u anywhere anytime…

  21. My dia I was in the same situation last year.But mine occured due to negligence of the doctors

  22. Too beautiful for earth indeed. You just made me cry God shall compensate you for your loss. And hey take good care of baby NJIRU. Love you!

  23. I always look forward to reading your blog Mukami. I must say you’re one strong lady. May God give you strength to overcome all that you went through.

  24. Hi,am so sorry,God will lift you up and someday the purpose of this experience will be revealed.can I have coffee with you?

  25. So so sad. May God keep comforting you and giving the strength and peace you need every single day. May he take care of your son, your hubby and you. May his grace be with you always.

  26. May our almighty God see u through. Muqami ur are the strongest mum ever. For this ave send a tear.

  27. She is in heaven with our 1st born Emun . We will meet them one day. Comfort comfort

  28. As mothers nothing can prepare us for such a loss.If when our kids are sick we are sick ourselves,how about such a deep loss.Only God can comfort a mother who has lost a child.We love our kids the moment we know we are pregnant.A love so deep most of us had no idea was possible.We love them so much we could trade their places with them if they were in pain.May God comfort you Mukami.With time I pray you find a way to make the fact that they are happy with the Lord your strength.

  29. May God bring u the much needed comfort you so want now, may He replenish your soul with love and faith, may He give you the courage to face yet another day for ur baby. Hang on there gal everything happens for a reason cry no more leave all to God and forge ahead with zeal.

  30. Dear Mukami,

    I don’t know you personally but I went thro the same experience as you .Its now 2 months and I don’t know if I can ever narrate what I went thro ur strong i left hospital with a huge bill and empty handed my boy gone.
    May God visit us moms with angels.

  31. 😭😭😭 I have to remind myself not to read these in public because I lose it. It is depressing just how much is out of our control, but I’m encouraged that you have your faith to strengthen you, and that on your strong days, you are able to fight to heal and empower and comfort other women. I’m proud of you my friend.

  32. How do someone read this without crying? You are the strongest woman I know, getting the confidence to share these stories is a big statement.
    Oh my friend, what can I say, you are a blessing to many, may the almighty God grant you peace and more strength . You are just an amazing woman.

  33. In his time he makes all things beautiful..i pray that the good lord will comfort you n give you all the strength that you need to overcome this pain..

  34. I must admit your husband must be a very strong man. I was at the forefront on his campaign trail around the said period of January to February before I left the country and frankly speaking I never knew all this was happening.He wore a very brave face that you couldn’t tell nothing was a miss.That has taught me a lot. May the Good Lord continue giving you the much needed strength and I know somehow someday all this agony will be paid back fully by the God we Pray and Trust.

  35. Give thanks and praises always,God has a reason for every aspect of our lives. It is well.

  36. I was scared reading this but for some reason i kept on going this brings me back to my journey at the nicu which I’m still traumatized about, and just like you i watched my son grow wings. This memory lane can be so agonizing

  37. I really feel you girl. I almost lost my daughter jana. I felt hopeless, helpless cursing myself saying how I wished I could do more but am grateful she’s okay. Take courage it shall be well.

  38. Oh Lord I’m in tears😢😢 may God give you strength Mukami.. and watch over Njiru everyday. I declare and decree INJ that Njiru will live long to witness the goodness of the Lord in the land of living

  39. I don’t know exactly what to type, but am reading this as tears are flowing.. I totally understand n feel you. Let God be glorified above all

  40. Sorry for your loss Mukami. I pray for Gods love and peace to be upon and that one day you will be able to live through your pain

  41. My heart goes out to you my dear. May God give you strength and comfort for each passing day. It shall be well

  42. I relate with your experiences of premature birth and NICU. All in all lets thank God for Njiru. so sorry for ur loss. I gave birth prematually and we wa in hospital for 33days. my sons
    r 1year now. Ipray u get over the low moments though not easy.

  43. Just know that you are a strong mom and your angel knows how much you loved and still love her

  44. May God give you strength dear mum.It’s not easy but God has a reason for everything.He’s a God of restoration n replacement.you’ll have your angels back in God’s best time.Hugs mummy

  45. Ooh my the story above is very suddening. May the good Lord comfort our sister at this trying moment.

  46. Sorry ain’t enough my dear neither is take comfort. …may Jehovah the sustainer of the universe come through for you. ..

  47. Very touching Mukami very touching. No words can express the emotions that you went through and sonetimes going through.
    But God only our Father in heaven knows and gives strengh.
    It is tough but is well.

  48. Pole sana Mummy. May God continue to give you strength. Your Angels are watching over you from heaven, though i know you wish they were here with you but God’s will is perfect even when we don’t understand it.

  49. Mum, you are a great mother to many. God loves you so much and according to Him, everything happens for good to those who trust and fear Him. Great things are waiting for you. God bless.

  50. This is so heartbreaking. It brought memories of my own NICU experience with my triplets. Take heart knowing they
    are in heaven and continue to grow. Thank you for sharing your story, you are a strong woman. I thank God for your miracle baby boy. You are a blessed woman

  51. can’t help but shed tears, ur a strong woman, sharing this isn’t easy for you, but God will continue strengthening you .

  52. All i can do is say a prayer for you..May our good lord strengthen and comfort you….Peace is your portion..

  53. I can totally identify with you, I can feel you, this is what exactly happened to my second born who lived for only five days, Dec this year she would have turned 12..oooh that bit of being called from the breast feeding room by the nurse used to be the worst with time me and fellow mothers had learnt it always brought bad news…and one morning as I expressed milk the nurse came calling…baby Grace…my goodness that picture is forever in my mind😥😥😥… Take heart mrs mwaura with time you will heal..

  54. Nelius, my heart breakdown into pieces everytime I read your story, but always God is faithful, He willingness not let us be tempted beyond our strength…

  55. Aaaw tears rolling down my cheeks,all is well sister n may God continue strengthening you

  56. He is our Refuge,Comforter and Hiding place, He makes everything beautiful in his own time….He knows our desires,pain and low points…continue to trust in him kami,…All shall be well mami.

  57. It is only you who exactly knows how it feels… It was so emotional as I read your journey…
    My prayer to God is for him to bless your womb again soonest

  58. You so strong….your a true figure of strength and encouragement of coping,,may heavenly father grant you more strength I’m sure you have inspired hopeless…may the baby rest in peace….God knows why

  59. We serve a mighty God who wipes our tears away, whenever I read your experience it reminds me what i went through 5years ,loosing a child is most painful thing ever, bt I just want to encourage you that God is always faithful today am blsd mum of three. God will bless you with many more iassure u my dear.

  60. God’s grace and love will always be on your side. The sweet angel is resting in a better place. You are a strong lady ma’am…

  61. May our good lord renew your strength everyday. Baby Njiru is a living testimony that our God will do great things for you.

Comments are closed.